Bloody hell, late as it is; don’t need this right now, stupid crowds. Forgot how much I hate public transport. How many people need a train at the same time for God’s sake? This group of girls in front of me – are they even doing anything, or just loitering? This is a train station, not a bloody youth club, get out of my way you stupid little- oh my Christ I’m gonna hit someone. I’m actually going to hit someone. Need to pick Patrick and Sophie up from school, go home, feed the kids; got a ton of washing to get through and a bloody PFA meeting at seven. That Angela woman better not be there, stupid cow. Made a complete show of me last week, she did. Well I don’t really think that suggestion is very realistic – who does she think she is? I’ll give you a suggestion, and it’ll be very realistic. Who are you Angela? With your one kid and your big house and your smug little smirk and your bloody light blue Volkswagen Beetle Convertible. Bet you’ve never slept on a sofa have you Angela? Never bought your shampoo from Home Bargains or let your aunty cut your hair? Have you Angela? Stupid phoney.
This would be so much easier if the car wasn’t going through its frigging MOT, can’t be doing this every- hold up, is that… what the – someone is pissing, pissing, in the middle of the train station. Not even against the wall or anything! Slap bang in the middle of the train station! Where’s a security guar-oh God he’s swaying, anyone, please?
What am I meant to do now? Train’s on Platform Six in three and a half minutes and I can’t get to the stairs without sloshing through some –engers boarding the 1506 TransPennine Express service to Plymouth please be aware of – ’s not me– without sloshing through some rancid tramp’s wee! He’s literally taking the piss, these are new shoes! Cost an arm and a leg these did: Clarks’ own! Oh bloody hell, not turning round is he- oh God that’s horrendous. Cover yourself up, for Pete’s sake! Where’s your decency?
I need to get past! Patrick and Sophie’ll work themselves into a panic if I’m not at the gates. Last thing I want is for them to end up in Mrs. Hulme’s office, especially with Pat’s nerves – He’s bound to cough up about their ASDA jumpers – Heaven knows how they expect us to afford YC Sports’ stuff – falls apart in two minutes! No, can’t have them near Mrs Hulme’s office. That’d fuel Angela’s fire, wouldn’t it just? Like that wouldn’t you? Bet little Kolton’s never been seen dead in Mrs Hulme’s office has he? Too good for that, is he? Got a YC Sports jumper, has he? Get over yourself Angela, no-one likes you.
I wish everyone would just shove out the way! I’ll have to go the long way round to Platform Six now; can’t bear to walk straight pa- oh my God is he following me? He’s following me! He’s dripping all over the place, sweet Jesus, where is a security guard?! You’d think these shoes would carry me faster, small fortune they cost – excruciating blisters I’ve got as well – ’s what you get for being rushed off your feet all day, being a bloody dogsbody for everyo- shove out of my way, you’re clagging up the hallway; what is this? Hop, skip, jump – weave – dawdlers- navigate, navigate- all with some pissing blockhead hot on my tail.
It’s no problem guys don’t worry, walk as slowly as you like, not as though I’m in a rush or anything – just here for the laugh really, stroll it out.
Fed up of this. Soph has her cello as well, that’s gonna be fun on the way back. Oh Christ, orchestra! Completely forgot she had orchestra! I’ve not organised a babysitter, Lu probably won’t be available at such short notice will she? Been up to my eyes all day, haven’t even had a chance to get to Morrisons’. It’ll have to be something quick for tea like beans on toast or ravioli or somethi- was that an announcement? –engers please note that the 1516 Arriva Trains Wales service to Bargoed, calling at Heath High Level, Llanishen, Caerphilly, Llanbradach and Bargoed has been delayed by ten minutes. We apologise for any inconvenience caused. Oh bloody heeeeell, Mrs Hulme’s office it is kids! Can already feel Angela’s smarmy little eyes all over them – oh children, is your mother running a little late? – get out of your own backside Angela! What kind of a name is Kolton anyway? What does she think he is, a hoover brand?
Can’t believe this, stressed just doesn’t even cover it. Platform six, train, pick up kids, home, tea, orchestra – Richard’s just gonna have to come and watch- drop the kids off at Nan’s for half hour, PFA meeting, home, ironing, bed. Which stairs are Platform Six’s? –ain now approaching Platform Three is the 1515 Arriva Trains Wales service to Swansea, calling at Bridgend, Port Talbot Parkway, Neath and Swansea. Right. well that woman’s just yelped and belted it up these stairs, guessingshe’s Platform Three, so Six must be-Oh God Patrick has a school trip tomorrow doesn’t he? How much is it, a fiver? Do I have a fiver? Oh God I’m gonna have to get money out aren’t I? Such a pain in the arse, Christssake. Got an extra ten minutes I guess, still a massive rush - where’s the cash point? You’d think they’d make it a bit more obvious.
Oof, sorry, ow. This is ridiculous, why are people so rude? Still gonna miss the train at this rate, cash point queue is outrageous. Come on, come ooon, how long does it take to type in a few numbers and grab a sheet of paper? I’ll be wh- what is this? The tramp. The tramp is next to me. Don’t look at him, don’t look at him, stare straight ahead, don’t look at him. He’s given an ‘ello love already, don’t encourage him. He stinks of piss and sweat and beer and probably a number of other things I’d rather not think about. Flaming Nora, hope this car passes its bloody MOT, can’t be doing this on a regular basis. Why does a trip to the park cost a fiver anyway? Could take them all to the park myself if they’d allow it – God knows the kids’d have a better time. Absolutely unbelievable. Miss Drury’s input, that is; Gove’s dream, she is. School’s gone to the dogs since she turned up, I tell you. Charge me to step through the doors if she could.
Finally. See, doesn’t take an eternity to get some money out of a machine. Urgh, have to side step the sodding tramp again - rush up the stairs to the train. Don’t make eye contact. Can feel his eyes slopping in my direction. ‘ello love. Disgusting.
Move, shove aside, hurry up, shift. Why won’t people learn to walk to the left? If everyone just walked to the left this would be so much easier. Give me strength. If you want a natter, why pick the stairs of all places? What’s the time, 1525? Pat and Soph’ll be on their way out now. Here’s hoping Angela’s not on the prowl yet. Come on, move, seriously. Some of us have things to do.
Right, there’s a train. Is it mine? Pray to God it’s mine. Don’t want any more faff now, don’t have time. What’s the number on i- Christ, my eyesight’s getting worse. Everyone’s moving forward, is this the one? Watch me get on the wrong train now, that’d be convenient.
The train now approaching Platform Six is the delayed 1516 Arriva Trains Wales service to Bargoed, calling at Heath High Level, Llanishen, Caerphilly, Llanbradach and Bargoed.
Well thank God for that.
Shove. My. Way. Onto. This. Bloody. Train. Jesus. Wept. Ow. Don’t tell me there are no seats. All this palava just to have to stand the whole way the-‘scuse me love there’s a spare seat down b’there. Oh thank God for that, thanks, thanks. Didn’t make these aisles for the hefty legged, did they? Can see the seat now, ridiculous hair clip on the woman in the nex- hold on, I know that clip. It can’t be. Oh please no. No no no no no. Oh it’s got that little clasp and the stupid little flower. No no no. Can’t go back now, she’s seen me, someone phone me or something ple- Oh hiii daaarling! Just off to watch little Kolton’s rugby tournament, starts at four. Dave’s gone ahead with the car but I was getting my nails done. Girl has to do what a girl has to do- need to look after ourselves us women, don’t you agree? Didn’t know Patrick played? Where’s Sophie?